How it began…

I could write well. Or so I was told. Not that I was ever going to. What a lot of effort writing is, thinking of an appealing topic, penning down a rough draft, editing it, wondering if anyone would ever read it, let alone like it…no, it was a task and I wasn’t going to be bothered with it. It didn’t matter that I sometimes missed the rush that accompanies a vague idea materializing into a delightful piece of prose. Or that I’d preserved a handful of essays I’d written, because I’d enjoyed writing and later, reading them. Writing never figured in any of my plans…till my bff (best friend forever) figured out I was good at it.

My bff, he-who-shall-not-be-named, lets call him TMR. A persistently annoying creature who can make a living of ribbing and ragging(the friendly kind). No prizes for guessing his favorite subject. It was my fault,of course. I wrote him a couple of notes(which have been duly preserved by him). That set off a hurricane of prodding and pricking and poking. I was glad when TMR began to forget about it. Except for one hitch…TMR’s pestering had caused adverse effects, a blog was now on my mind.

Before I go on, I must specify. I can be horribly neurotic. I blame it on my Zodiac sign. We Virgos are worrying, critical perfectionists-we torture others and ourselves (true story !). Add oodles of insecurity and you have me. So here’s what I did after I thought of blogging-I thought (to blog or not to blog, wordpress vs blogspot, where does tumblr figure, will i be able to maintain it…), researched, spoke to people, thought some more, freaked out…and months elapsed. What changed things was a rare episode of insomnia, an attempt to write, a panic attack, and a 3 a.m call to TMR. What followed was some explosive activity of TMR’s vocal cords (with pendulous jerking of his uvula,cartoon-style) telling me what a waste of talent I was (veiled praise or euphemistic insult?), what a big talker and thinker I was though I did nothing, how I was hopeless and how stupid I was to disturb his beauty(?) sleep. Then the line went dead.

That’s when I began writing this blog. I’d love to say that it happened on a perfect day, when the sun shone a little more brightly, over a steaming cup of coffee et cetera. But it didn’t.

My blog began with a bruised ego and a 3 a.m call. After overcoming, what now seems like an anxiety crisis. With sleepy eyes that I struggled to keep open, knowing that if I stopped then, I’d never be able to make myself write again. It began with a little self-belief, some courage and a dream…that I’d write something that not just a critical me but even you, my reader would like to read again.

If you’ve had the courage and the patience to read this, thank you. Do leave your comments behind, if any.

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18 thoughts on “How it began…

  1. Shall I tell you a secret?

    Even I started blogging NOT because it was one of those sunshine mornings and I was inspired to express myself beautifully through words – Penning them down was okay for me NOT sharing them with the world…

    My journey began the same way as yours – over a 3 am conversation and a lot of pestering – but it was something that has made a difference to my world 🙂 Sharing your work before the world actually makes a difference sometimes to their world and not just your own – and the satisfaction you get out of reading or listening to the views of others about your work only helps you develop into a more evolved being 🙂

    Don’t worry about writer’s block or whether you will be able to maintain it or not – you writer well and whenever you feel the need to vent and express yourself to the world, treat this space as your solace 🙂

    Best Wishes!!

  2. Boy, am I glad you’ve finally started blogging. It is good to document what one writes over time. In my experience, you can always look back at your writing every once in a while and want to re-write stuff you’ve written earlier. Do also try, to read blogs, a lot of people you know must blog, it actually provides good food for thought. Finally, don’t worry about frequency of posting. Writing can be really tiresome at times, even if you’re someone who loves to write. And if nothing else, it will help you find your own voice. For the record, I do see some beautiful, raw thoughts in your post, keep reading your own work over time, and you will find your voice.

    Love always,
    Sanu

    • Thank you Sanika. I do follow a few blogs,of friends,of people whose work I admire…And yes, the ‘finding my voice’ thing is one of the many factors which made blogging attractive to me. Thanks again and lots of love.
      P.S: You must be thrilled that I’m writing full words for a change right ?

    • Mrigank, when I first discussed blogging with Sanika she told me two things, 1. write entire words and 2. start writing (yes,in that order!) But don’t get too relieved Mrigank and Sanika, wenevr i mes ul,itl lwyz b lik dis,u c,annoyin ul is fun 😉

  3. Hi Abha,
    Just happened to come across your blog…Loved your writing style..Id suggest you should also use it as a tool to raise mental health awareness and share your passion for psychiatry

    • Thank you. I’d forgotten my blog exists, having not updated it in ever so long. I do have a few ideas regarding mental health issues, but there are several issues there. Thank you, again.

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