Boy Friends

[ Disclaimer: If you’re here to read about whom I’m dating or if i really broke up with XYZ, you’re wasting your time. That isn’t what this is about. This post is about the guys I befriended who stayed just that -my friends. ]

Many of the friends I’ve made, especially during and after my college years, have been those born with a Y chromosome (you know, that chromosome which makes people moustached and macho(?) ). Maybe it boils down to the fact that I grew up with an elder brother, three male cousins and two boy-buddies, playing G.I.Joe and Lego. Or maybe it’s because sometimes (only sometimes), they’re awesome.

Now, I’m not into gender stereotyping and I’m definitely against gender discrimination. But there are these peculiarities which pop up when I look back at these friendships…

Take issues of weight, for instance. I’ve never heard a guy say ‘I’ve become sooo fat’. It’s not like they don’t put on weight or fail to notice it. They just don’t seem to find it that big a deal. They generally call their love handles three-pack-abs and binge happily saying ‘maintain karna padta hai yaar‘ (That’s ‘buddy,we need to maintain these’ in Hindi). Or they just burn them off in the gym or over a game of football.

The differences aren’t restricted to love-handles, they handle love differently too. Everyone knows that it’s generally the guy who makes the first move when it comes to matters of the heart. A unique thing I noticed in medical college was that girls would deny the same relationship that the guy they were involved with accepted. A common reason for the denial was ‘it’s too private’ though that never came in the way of  PDA’s (public displays of affection) or storming out after hissed arguments from the library.

There are things you appreciate about men only after spending a little time with them. For instance,they claim they don’t gossip.That’s wrong. They do. More than women. Silently and shrewdly. Though not as vehemently.

What men don’t do generally is bitch (they lack the mental faculty to understand the difference between gossiping and bitching). I’m still to hear to a guy say ‘Did you see the outfit so-and-so was wearing ? It was sooo trashy!’

There’s another thing that you begin to appreciate when you interact with guys. It’s called ‘their side of the story’. And its amazing how, very often, it makes more sense than our side of the story. No melodrama. No mind-reading (‘can’t you imagine what i must be feeling ?’). No pleading in a baby-voice.

With guy friends, I’ve always felt comfortable being myself. It never mattered if I was wearing the right earrings or matching footwear. They generally never notice. Unless it’s fantastically right or terribly wrong…or they are dating you or really want to .

Of course, hanging out with guys has its own side effects. There’s a lot of speculation..whether you’re dating X, or if you are indeed dating Y, are you two-timing or simply demonstrating a loose character by having a long chat with Z ? Unfair, but not unexpected. We live in a world where Harry (Billy Crystal) tells Sally(Meg Ryan) that a man and woman cannot be friends because sex always gets in the way. I don’t blame Crystal though, what could his cocky character say, with Meg Ryan in the passenger seat ? I deal with the back-biting by remembering what the bff told me ‘Either you sit idle and talk, or you go, follow your heart and accept that you will be talked about.’

When I look back over the years, I can see that they’ve made a difference -these friends and these friendships. They’re unconventional yet wonderful, filled with laughter, love and a definite amount of lunacy. This post is for them, those boys or guys or men, who walked into my life and stayed on as my friends.

[ If you’re a girl / woman, I’d love to hear your experiences with men-friends, good, bad or ugly. And what you thought of my post. Because, I may have given some space to the guys here, but I’m always on your side first.

If you’re a guy, I’d love to know if you agree with me. If you can, disagree with me and tell me why. Even better, write a post on your female friends and how they make a difference to your life. And don’t forget to tag me in it.]

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10 thoughts on “Boy Friends

  1. thakur bhaapo…… i have grown up with them too, like almost all the time.. frm my chuddy buddy to toddler boys to my building bullies, to GUYS, cousins, my lil brother not so little anymore.. and most of them most surely make more logic, are more accomodating and accepting and loving.. but they can never beat those few special ladies in our lives.. and i want to second your post to all those Y’s but also those lovely girl friends..
    NICELY DONE sis..

    • Thank you conjoint ! Yes, I do agree with you, guy friends are great but what will we do without our girls ? And yes, I hope this post is an enjoyable read for men and for the many women who are their friends.

  2. In my opinion, simply said, its just much much easier to maintain a friendship with a guy, over the years… Somehow, with girls, there always tend to be hidden issues and problems, and then one fine day a cat fight/war breaks out!

    I think you’ve very well covered all the reasons why it’s a lot of fun to have platonic friendships with men. I have been lucky enough to have a couple of guy friends, and we have had great times. And like you said, it’s very easy to just be oneself around them.

    I’ve had conversations with guys on a variety of topics ranging from porn to serious discussions about life to superheroes to how good looking was the girl who just crossed the street. And it’s been a wonderful ride 😀

    The ‘maintain karna padta hai yaar’ joke was hilarious!

  3. I realized I never commented here – I felt like sharing so many things about so many friends while reading this…I am coming up with a post 🙂 Sometime this week..will let you know when that happens 🙂

    Thank you for giving me something to write about!

    • Hi Divya, I’ve actually had a few friends who’ve called to support/oppose various points in this post. I’d love to read a post you write on it. Let me know when its out. Lots of love.

  4. very nice yaar abha…………very nice……..guys prove to be great friends……but there are times wen ur girlfriends prove to be more helpful …….i think both have their pros or cons…..

    • I think both guy and girlfriends have their own place in our lives…they really can’t be compared or stereotyped rigidly…and yes, while I do adore my men-friends, I think my girls are absolutely irreplaceable. Thank you so much for taking the time to post your comment. Lots of love.

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